As a leader I have been told so often that I need to understand myself. What I have come to realise is that this is hard to do if it doesn’t involve others.
Over the years, I have done so many personality tests, leadership frameworks, and group dynamics studies. But they often were just exercises in me understanding myself, by myself. The result of this was that I thought I knew myself. And I did on one level. Yet, in my forties, I found some “obvious to everyone else” areas for growth.
In 2016, as part of studying life-coaching, I asked three people who had known me for years to assess me as part of a 360 assessment. What came back was unexpected. The results showed I was very poor in the following areas:
Self compassion
Honesty
Authenticity
I was offended! I prided myself on compassion for others, and having honesty and authenticity with everyone I met. Were they deliberately trying to push my buttons?
However, what they were commenting on here was not how I am with others, but how I am with myself. And when they stopped me and asked me to listen, it was super confronting to face what they were talking about.
Because they were right. And I was embarrassed. I had compassion for others, but little to no compassion for myself. I was honest with others, but my lack of honesty and balance about myself meant that many people didn’t trust me. Which resulted in me lacking authenticity, especially in leadership, as there was an obvious difference between how I treated myself and how I treated others.
This learning has changed my life in so many ways. For starters, I now work on these three areas and know they are weaknesses for me. It is now common for me to assess my leadership in conversation with others. I try not to assume I am doing well but seek to build on my strengths and work on weaknesses, and I try to do this with others. And I deliberately set aside time with Jesus to work through who I am as a leader, separating out how I am in art, leadership development, as a husband and father, and every other place where I have influence as a leader.
My encouragement to you is this: it is part of being human to develop as a person and as a leader. It can be confronting to include others in this work. But the benefits of doing this honestly and with trusted friends are profound.
