Here is my definition of a leader: a person who knows that they want to do something and
asks others to join in to help them do it. The
asking is the important part. Consequently, leadership can be as simple as
asking someone for a lift to the ice-cream store, so you can both buy an ice-cream.
So, you might wonder, if leadership is simply knowing you want to do something and asking others to help, why do we struggle with it?
One of the reasons is that the other might respond with “no.” No is a challenging word. We often take a no personally. They say “no,” but we hear “I don’t like you. Your idea is stupid. I am going to encourage everyone we know to stay away from ice-cream, because you like it.”
This is why leadership can be so hard. People do say no. A yes is not guaranteed. And it’s hard to hear a no and then ask again.
This is why leadership takes courage. You need courage to ask again. To risk hearing another no.
However, if we can ask why the other said no, we can start to get somewhere. They said no, but what did they mean? If you ask them why they said no, they might say, “because I don’t like you.” Harsh. More likely is, “now is not a good time” or “I don’t have a way to get us down there right now” or “I don’t like ice-cream, but I do like milkshakes. Can we do both?” or “I will drive, if you can afford to buy me one.” Now there is room for a “yes, I will join you.”
Leadership always involves negotiation. Courageous leaders are good at asking others to join in and help them. And when they get a no, they are good at asking, “why did you say no?” When they get a constant no, they are good at evaluating why they keep getting a no.
In the end, perhaps a better definition of leadership is the ability to keep going.
